Tag: anxiety

The Cost of Christianity?

About 7 weeks ago I had major surgery. I’ve had a few medical procedures before but this was my first major one with an overnight hospital stay. I coded in the recovery room when they pushed 6mg of morphine for pain before I was ever fully awake but thank God I’m still here and that’s a testimony for another time.

The initial recovery time for this surgery is six to eight weeks. I had a lot of issues the first six weeks with reactions to the nerve medicine I was prescribed and another medication that I was on. It was causing all kinds of pains and symptoms and I couldn’t tell what was coming from where. Was it the pain from surgery? Was it an infection setting up? Was something else more serious happening as a result? Was I having complications? I didn’t know and it was causing anxiety to rear its ugly head.

One day in the midst of all that, I was needing someone to pray for me because I was all prayed out. The tears wouldn’t stop and I just wanted, needed even, someone else to take the reigns for a few moments. My husband was at work and I was tired of bothering him and close sister’s in Christ with the same things over and over again. I was getting on my own nerves and didn’t want to bother others that I knew and were close to me. I needed an outside source, someone who didn’t know me or the situation, who would let me explain what I was going through and how I was feeling and where I was at spiritually so they could pray over me with a fresh perspective.

So I called a prayer line. This prayer line is to one of the many large ministries known world wide. Their doctrine is sound and I’ve called this prayer line before a handful of times when I needed an outside perspective and prayer and the person(s) that I’ve spoken with have always been kind, sincere and genuinely concerned for my well being. This is why I have their phone number set as one of my “favorites” in my phone. Quick access when I need it.

So when I call this number there is of course a recording when the line first picks up where you choose why you are calling, or what department you want, more or less. I selected the prayer line. A brief moment of music played as I was transferred and a recording saying someone would be with me as soon as they were available. I do not know how many people they have on staff or volunteer for this service but I’ve never gotten the same person twice.

When a lovely woman finally came on the line, I expected a greeting somewhere along the lines of “Good afternoon, we are so glad you reached out today, how can we pray for you?”

Instead, I was greeted with, “Hello, thank you for calling, how do you listen to *insert name of ministry here*?”

It stopped me in my tracks. I almost hung up the phone. If this had been my first time calling I probably would have because it hit my spirit the wrong way. I was in the middle of an active anxiety/panic attack needing someone to pray with me, over me, for me, and here they were wanting to know how I listen to their ministry?

I get it. In today’s society there are multitudes of ways to “hear” the Word, from YouTube and Instagram to podcasts and Spotify, and it would be nice to know where people benefit the most and give a company/business/service an idea of where to invest more of their time, resources and money.

However, a prayer line? This is where they chose to ask the question? A prayer line, where I’m sure they know from experience, people are calling in their most desperate moments for a listening ear and prayer over their situation and this is the most important question to ask when someone gets on the line? Where do you listen to us?

I’ll be honest, it cheapened the moment for me. It made me think less of this particular ministry and I’ve been talking to God about it ever since. It made me feel like what I was calling about wasn’t important and could wait while they checked off a box.

When did we cheapen Christianity? What cost is Christianity today? It used to be the cost of your life in some cases (ask any one of Jesus’ desciples) and here we are in 2025 so concerned with what avenue a person listens to our ministry that we would put their burden on hold for a moment to find out where or how.

James 5:16 NKJV
[16] Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

When the woman with the issue of blood pushed her way through the crowd and touched the hem of Jesus’ robe, did he stop and ask how she heard of him?

When moments before, Jairus fell down at his feet asking that he come and lay hands on his sick daughter, did Jesus stoop down and ask, “Which synagogue did you hear me preach at?”

Or when the centurion asked Jesus to just speak the words that his servant may be healed, did Jesus say, “Tell me first where you heard I could do that?”.

What is the price of Christianity? Is it “likes”, “stars”, and “thumb ups”? I wonder what kind of letters Paul would be writing to these large ministries in 2025. I wonder how far removed we as Christians have become from true, Christ-like ministry. It starts with each of us and how we treat others.

I Corinthians 8:9 NKJV
[9] But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak.

GIVE UP

Give up. Yes, you read that correctly, give up.

A few weeks ago God was dealing with me on some things and as I was going about my morning routine I was praying and conversing with the Holy Spirit. I opened the cabinet to grab a mug for some tea and I grabbed this one:

When I looked at it I automatically read it out of habit and then I heard the Holy Spirit say. “Give up.”

My response naturally was, “What?”

Then I heard it again, “GIVE. UP.”

So I asked, “God, what do you mean?”

The things I had been praying about and talking to God about were things I was carrying that I didn’t need to. The constant scenarios in my head of how things could/should/would go and trying to control it all with my mind, (which by the way does not work) were consuming my time, causing me unnecessary worry, and putting me in a bad mood.

God was telling me to give up my control and put these things in His hands.

“Lord, how do I do that? I’m really good at analyzing things in my head, over and over and over…”

Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

That was the verse that came to mind.  How many things do we pray about and continue to carry?

When I was in first or second grade I took a tap and ballet class. There was a group of girls, four of them, that I became friends with, or so I thought. They were nice starting off but as class went on, one of them started being not so nice to me. She would talk to me but she would be rude and sometimes she would take the other three girls and walk off saying she needed to tell them something and would leave me out. I wasn’t naive, I knew she was a bully, but at the same time didn’t understand why because I had never done anything to her, I was always nice to her.

She used to carry this satchel type bag that cinched at the top with a drawstring. It wasn’t very big, the kind you wear around your wrist. One day she said she had stuff in there she wanted to show us but then she looked at me and said, “Except you, I’m not showing you,” and she took the other girls off a ways and had her back to me as they stood in a huddle. While she took things out of her bag to show them, she kept looking back over her shoulder at me to make sure I wasn’t trying to peek at it.

I remember standing there thinking how stupid she looked. Just being honest.

So class started and we always put our things up along the wall. This was in the school gym right after school had let out for the day so we always had our book bags, coats, etc.

Well that day my mom was running behind picking me up so I was the last one waiting with my teacher. She picked up the satchel that the girl had earlier and asked me if I knew who it belonged to.

I responded with, “Yes, it’s so-and-sos, I can take it home and give it to her at school tomorrow if you’d like.”

I honestly don’t remember any of the girls names now but I remember trying to hold back my excitement of taking that stupid bag home so I could see what it was she was hiding from me.

My teacher agreed and I took the bag and could not wait to get home. When I did, I ran upstairs to my bedroom, threw my things down in the corner and hopped up on my bed still clutching the satchel. I felt my heart racing and the excitement building even more. I stood up and set the bag on my bed, staring at it. All the scenarios played through my head:

  1. Don’t look because she didn’t want me to and just give it to her tomorrow.
  2. Would she even believe me if I said I didn’t look?
  3. Just throw the bag away and pretend like I never saw it…then remembered my teacher knew I had it.
  4. Look in the bag and give it to her tomorrow at school and if she asks, tell her I didn’t look.
  5. Look in the bag and give it to her tomorrow and tell her I DID look…

I remember standing there forever trying to decide what I was going to do. I was a conscientious child and even though she was mean about it, she didn’t want me to know whatever she had in there and I felt like if I looked, I would be commiting a sin. I struggled with that thought all evening. I hid the bag under my bed when I went down for dinner and mulled over my options as I got ready for bed that night.

I pulled the bag back out and set it on my bed and finally decided I was going to look. I remember dumping the contents out on the bed and looking at a handful of charms (the plastic keychain charms we used to collect in the early 80s), some erasers, and a couple of other trinkets and thinking, “That’s it?” 

I turned that bag inside out to make sure I didn’t miss something and sure enough, that was it. I don’t know what I was expecting but I know I was disappointed. I scooped the stuff up and put it back in the satchel  and tucked it into my school bag.

The next day at school I found her before class started and handed it over saying, “You forgot this yesterday at dance class.” She snatched it out of my hand with a look of fear and immediately asked, “Did you look in it?”

I said,”No, I promise I didn’t, I have no clue what you have in there,” with the biggest smile on my face. I remember the look of unsureness on her face as I walked away. I committed the sin I was so worried about the night before.

Next dance class I arrived with a bag of my own with some of my favorite trinkets in my bag and told the group of girls I wanted to show them what I had, except for “her”. She tried to bargain with me and offered to show me what she had in her satchel if I showed her what was in my bag. I politely declined. I already knew what she had and I wanted her to know what it felt like to be left out on purpose.

I remember the look on her face. She was hurt. At the end of class I went up to her and said, “If you’ll stop being mean to me I’ll show you what I have in my bag and you can show me what you have in yours.” She agreed and we dumped our treasures out to find out we collected a lot of the same things.

I wish I could say we went on to become best friends but we didn’t.  We did however remain friends through the duration of that year in dance class and she stopped being mean to me.

All that to say this…

How many things do we carry around in our “satchel” that we refuse to give up to God? Things that are the most important to us but we hide them away from Him? Things that we won’t even let Him look at?

He wants us to share EVERYTHING with Him, big and small, stupid and important. He WANTS to help us with the things that worry us or cause us stress and WANTS to share in the joy of what brings us joy too! He wants this because it PROTECTS us. That’s how much God loves us.

I Peter 5:6-11 NKJV
[6] Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, [7] casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. [8] Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. [9] Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. [10] But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. [11] To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

https://bible.com/bible/114/1pe.5.6-11.NKJV