ANGRY WITH GOD

I’ve been angry with God. That’s right, angry with the Almighty. There’s no point in hiding it, He knows.

Well, at least I thought I was angry with Him.

1 Timothy 6:12 says:

Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.

I realized today I’ve been frustrated and angry with my own faith.

For a year and a half my husband and I have been believing God for certain things. I can’t go into detail about all of it right now but some of these things are simple things. Every door we thought would open for one thing in particular to come to pass has been slammed shut or nailed shut from the other side before we even arrived at it. It’s been frustrating. Just when we think the situation is about to change, it doesn’t. So we continue on in our faith and belief.

We continue to listen to sermons and read material to encourage our faith walk. We stand on scripture knowing what we have asked for is in line with God’s will. As days, weeks, months and the year and a half has gone by, things seem to have gotten worse.

Yesterday I broke. I was angry. I was frustrated. I was bitter. I was ready to give up and did. I was done. Finished. Towel in hand.

We can’t hide from God so I just let Him have it. I threw my temper tantrum, I questioned our situation based on HIS Word.

“God, we’ve been obedient! We’ve believed! We’ve done what you’ve asked us to do! Those things you asked us to do that we didn’t do, we repented and made right! We’ve prayed! We’ve waited! We’ve listened! Why are we being squeezed into nothing?! Why are you allowing this to happen?! Why?! Why is our situation getting worse and not better?! ”

Fight the good fight of faith. Faith is a fight. I don’t know what round I was in yesterday but I lost that one horribly. It was a KO.

We are in a non stop boxing match when it comes to faith. It’s OUR faith that makes us whole and moves mountains. The Word establishes the rules of the match, the Holy Spirit is our trainer, and God is the referee. Jesus, well, he’s in our corner wiping the blood off our faces and squirting water into our mouths and speaking the words of encouragement we need to hear because he’s already been through it.

Today I woke up and talked to God about yesterday (and the past year and a half).

“God, yesterday I was knocked out. I threw in the towel. I was done. I was spent. I was wore out. It was a silly laptop that pushed me over the edge but everything has been building and pushing me to my breaking point. Today, I’m renewing my mind. I’m continuing the fight. I was knocked out but I know according to your Word, who gets TKO’ed, and it’s not me.”

Faith is a fight. And where I felt defeated yesterday because the latest Windows 10 update destroyed my laptop and rendered it useless, the one tool I had to work on the manuscript God has called me write, the fight isn’t over. It wasn’t just about the laptop. It was about every little punch the enemy has hit us with over the past year. I was tired. I needed a break. I needed to lay in the middle of the ring and not move for a while. I needed time to recuperate.

Guess who came back up swinging? Guess who’s still in my corner? Guess who’s rules still apply? Guess who gets the Total Knock Out when all is said and done.

Keep fighting. Get back up. Swing. Don’t download the latest Windows 10 update.

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Learning Curve

Just a heads up.

I am in the process of moving my site from wordpress.com to wordpress.org and self-hosted through Bluehost. Things will look a little different once it’s done and things may be down a while during the time I re-learn this learning curve. There is always the possibility that I’ll lose everything from here too, haha. Praying that doesn’t happen.

As you can probably tell, I’m not good with the lingo but I have no problem learning and saving myself lots of moohlah. I did all of this once before with our main ministry website, www.unreachables.org ,but it’s been a while and I didn’t have a 2 month old in tote while figuring it out.

The website name will stay the same, just re-working everything behind the scenes.

If any of you know of some great tutorials, drop a link in the comments, I would love to check them out!

 

Get Blessed!

Philippians 4:19

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. 

WHAT A BAG OF POPCORN TAUGHT ME

Many churches teach how to sow (tithe/offering) but not many teach how to reap.

There is this crazy generalized idea among Christians, and judgement by non-Christians that if you ARE a Christian, you should be poor.  Poor in every which way, not just financially.

I’m not one of those. I used to be. I used to think it was a sin to have things, to be happy, to enjoy life. Growing up I saw it all the time, if you were Godly, you were poor.

I don’t know of a single verse in the Bible that says we must be poor, sad or unhappy. I do know plenty of scripture that says we are to have and be just the opposite of all that.

Somewhere along the line, we got it all backwards. I’m not going to post every single verse here but John 10:10 sums it all up:

 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10 KJV

If what you have is destruction, death and things taken from you…Is your joy gone? Is Your happiness gone? Are you struggling financially? That’s the thief, that’s not God.

I know some will read this and try to justify the “lack” in life but you might as well just keep your doubt and unbelief to yourself. You can speak lack over yourself all you want, don’t speak it over someone else.

We have an active role in our faith. Our words determine our today and our tomorrow. You can choose love over hate. Joy over sadness. Prosperity over poverty. Belief over doubt. Health over sickness.

You choose what you have with the words that come out of your mouth. God himself spoke and created…read Genesis 1 and see how many times it says “God said…”

Your words create your today and tomorrow. You can change your future with the words you speak. You can change your moment right now with the words you speak.

So what does this have to do with a bag of popcorn? Let me tell you. Many people have no problem giving, whether it’s tithe/offering or giving to others when they see a need. That’s called sowing. But the majority of us in that category, have a problem when something is given to us. We don’t know how to receive. Receiving is the reaping side of sowing.

We feel guilty or unworthy when something is given to us. We will say things like “No, no, no, give it to someone who needs it more.” It doesn’t matter what “it” is, if we refuse, we interrupt God’s process of sowing and reaping.

I was in the grocery store one time and the Holy Spirit told me to pay for the woman’s groceries in front of me. She didn’t have much, maybe $25.00 worth. I stepped forward and told her, “God told me to pay for your groceries.” She visibly became upset and refused and said “No, I don’t need you to pay for my groceries.” I tried to explain to her that God wanted to bless her but she flat out refused. I said okay with a smile and backed off.

How many times has God wanted to bless us and we have refused? Is it pride? Is it lack of understanding?

I recently blessed a friend with a bag of popcorn at the movies. When I did, the Holy Spirit said to me, “Some people can receive from Me a blessing the size of a bag of popcorn and some can receive a blessing from Me the size of the theater.”

Wow.

When we refuse a blessing from someone, we block the blessing God has for them for their obedience. When that woman refused to let me pay for her groceries, she blocked a blessing God had for me not to mention the blessing of having her groceries paid for.

Think of it this way. If you plant a garden, sow seeds into good ground, then take care of that garden until the harvest comes in and reap from the garden what has grown, you are operating in God’s divine plan of sowing and reaping.

What happens if you plant the seeds and then never pull weeds or better yet, when the harvest comes in, you don’t go and pick all the vegetables? It becomes overgrown and eventually rots. Nobody benefits.

If you take care of that garden and reap when the harvest comes in, not only do you benefit but more than likely, you are going to have an abundance to share with others because if you don’t share your abundance, it rots too.

Your words create action and action produce your today and tomorrow. Read the following verse and focus on the last six words: he shall have whatsoever he saith

For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. Mark 11:23 KJV

Miracles Still Happen

I haven’t been writing much lately and I miss it. My time however has been consumed with the arrival of our son, Nicolas. He was born February 24th, healthy and whole.

I wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids. I was told in my early 20’s that it would be a miracle if I ever became pregnant. Well, at age 39, our miracle is currently snoozing in my arms.

I may have shared this before but eight years or so ago I had a dream that I walked into my doctor’s office wearing a green hospital gown and for the life of me, didn’t understand why I was wearing a hospital gown. The next thing I knew I was in one of the exam rooms and I was in labor.

Even in the dream I was confused as to how it was happening. Then, the doctor handed me a little blonde-haired, green-eyed, healthy baby boy. As I looked down at him I heard a voice behind me say, “His name is Nicolas and I sent him.”

I woke up from that dream not knowing what to make of it. I thought maybe my husband and I would adopt one day and that’s what it was about. I held onto that dream in my heart all these years waiting to see exactly what God had in store and this past July when we realized I was pregnant, I knew exactly who I was carrying in my womb. Nicolas.

Dimples photography

He looks just as I remember him. He has blonde hair, and now we’re waiting for his eyes to turn green.

On my 38th birthday I made a promise to myself to be in my best health by the time I was 40. I’ve always tried to live a healthy lifestyle but had some health issues hindering my efforts. Through prayer I found and switched my way of eating to a Ketogenic lifestyle. When I did, all of those health issues dissappeared. Within two weeks my bloodwork was normal again and I felt like a new person. We’ve never looked back and keep moving forward.

I had read that Keto helped many women with infertility issues but it never crossed my mind that it would be the same for me. I had it stuck in my head that I would never have kids and had accepted that a long time ago. However, my daily prayers over my health of being healed and whole…well, I was healed of everything and made completely whole. When God does something, He does it right.

He’s only 13 days old but I don’t know if I will ever not feel overwhelmed holding him…not just holding him but knowing I am holding a promise from God. I get to hold a promise that God showed me over eight years ago after believing for almost 20 years that it was impossible.

If God can do this, He can do anything. There are things I’m believing Him for right now that seem truly impossible but I’m reminded with each feeding, each diaper change, each cry, each smile, each coo, each look, that with God all things are possible.

Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.
Jeremiah 1:5 KJV

But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.
Matthew 19:26 KJV

Blind Faith?

I am honored to have a guest blog posted with Southern Faith Magazine. They are a new publication as of last year that I have read and been encouraged by many times. You can find them on Facebook, Instagram and the web.

If you would like to read the blog of mine they shared, you can find by clicking on the following link or picture:

https://www.southernfaith.com/single-post/2018/01/07/No-Such-Thing-As-Blind-Faith 

 

MISTY MOON HEADSHOT small 11.27.17

 

GET BLESSED!

FEAR NO MORE

I’ve been meditating on this and feel led to share. Sharing a testimony is for others, not for ourselves. People need to know they aren’t going through things alone. The enemy likes to make us think we are alone and when he gets us alone, he can really mess with us.

December 21, 2009, when we found my dad in his front office, deceased, my adrenaline had kicked in so hard that I couldn’t even dial 9-1-1 on my large faced android phone. Literally, took me about five minutes to be able to dial the numbers I was shaking so bad from the adrenaline. I was so frustrated I eventually set the phone down on one of the work tables and used my right hand to steady my left hand enough to dial the numbers. Not sure how that worked since both hands were uncontrollably trembling.

Something happened to me that night because of the adrenaline rush. Something changed internally. I don’t really know how to explain it but I thought something was really wrong with me because I wasn’t, and couldn’t, cry. I couldn’t really feel anything, I had gone numb physically, emotionally and mentally. I didn’t cry the entire time we waited on police and ambulance to show up. I didn’t even cry as I watched them wheel him out on a gurney in a zipped up body bag. I just kept thinking over and over again, “What is wrong with me?”

A fear settled into me that I had never had before, little by little. I started noticing it when things would take place months after his passing. The following February I had a meltdown in my car driving home when snow hit and I was stuck on a hill with my wheels spinning. It came out of nowhere.

When the tornadoes came through on April 2011 and I drove through the tail end of one downtown, thinking my car was going to go rolling like a tumbleweed, the fear living inside of me gained strength.

I didn’t understand why this fear had taken hold of me and there aren’t words to describe what it was really like. Children of God aren’t supposed to live in fear and I prayed about this daily and begged God to take it from me over the last 8 years. I wasn’t a person who lived in fear prior to this. My husband knows however that this fear had changed me. If it was raining out, I wasn’t driving anywhere and if I did, it was nerve wracking and I was white knuckling the steering wheel the entire time. Didn’t even have to be storming, just raining.

It was never about the rain or the snow though. It was a fear that settled in the night my dad passed. I hated it. I didn’t want it. I was ashamed of it.

Earlier this summer, when we were headed to one of our first appointments for a baby check up, it was pouring rain sideways and some thunder and lightning…My husband asked me if I wanted him to drive. My response was, “No, why?”

Note that I typically drive when we go somewhere because I get severe car sickness, something else I’ve prayed about and still believing I will no longer have.

I realized however in that moment, the fear was gone. Completely gone. It no longer had a hold of me. I knew it wasn’t coming back either. For over seven years I had been living with an internal fear, had never talked to anyone besides God about it and continuously spoke scriptures over myself in defiance to the fear, and it had hindered me in many ways. In that moment, I was set free. Prayer, perseverance and the Word of God had conquered it.

One would think it would get worse carrying a child inside them and worrying about their safety but just like something clicked inside of me when that fear took hold, something clicked inside of me when I let it go. I knew right then, I would never have that again. It was gone.

I was thinking about this last night as I was driving to church when I left work. It was pouring, people driving crazy, water on the roads, glare on my windshield…and I started laughing.

 

Joshua 1:9

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

SEASONS, THEY ARE A’ CHANGING

Typically a year has four seasons. It seems like I’ve been through about 10 this year, spiritually speaking.

I haven’t been blogging much lately, or writing much at all really, due to the fact that I’m now 27 weeks pregnant and working two part time (stress – free, hallelujah) jobs. God has blessed me with two positions that fulfill a great need right now financially and I know He has even bigger and better plans for us.

I’m running behind this morning but wanted to put this word of encouragement out there: Don’t give up.

Please.

Don’t give up.

Trust God. Trust His timing. Trust His process.

Keep pressing forward. Keep looking to your future no matter what things look like right now.

I promise He has a plan for your life, His Word says so.

It’s true there are times we can’t go on, not by ourselves. We need Him. He will carry us. We were never meant to carry the things of this world alone to begin with, that’s why He sent His Son.

Lean on Him and press in.

You are going to be alright. Not just alright, but you are going to be great. You are going to have an amazing testimony once everything you are going through is over and you are on to the next adventure.

God’s good. He’s listening. He’s watching. He’s preparing a way.