I’ve been angry with God. That’s right, angry with the Almighty. There’s no point in hiding it, He knows.

Well, at least I thought I was angry with Him.

1 Timothy 6:12 says:

Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.

I realized today I’ve been frustrated and angry with my own faith.

For a year and a half my husband and I have been believing God for certain things. I can’t go into detail about all of it right now but some of these things are simple things. Every door we thought would open for one thing in particular to come to pass has been slammed shut or nailed shut from the other side before we even arrived at it. It’s been frustrating. Just when we think the situation is about to change, it doesn’t. So we continue on in our faith and belief.

We continue to listen to sermons and read material to encourage our faith walk. We stand on scripture knowing what we have asked for is in line with God’s will. As days, weeks, months and the year and a half has gone by, things seem to have gotten worse.

Yesterday I broke. I was angry. I was frustrated. I was bitter. I was ready to give up and did. I was done. Finished. Towel in hand.

We can’t hide from God so I just let Him have it. I threw my temper tantrum, I questioned our situation based on HIS Word.

“God, we’ve been obedient! We’ve believed! We’ve done what you’ve asked us to do! Those things you asked us to do that we didn’t do, we repented and made right! We’ve prayed! We’ve waited! We’ve listened! Why are we being squeezed into nothing?! Why are you allowing this to happen?! Why?! Why is our situation getting worse and not better?! ”

Fight the good fight of faith. Faith is a fight. I don’t know what round I was in yesterday but I lost that one horribly. It was a KO.

We are in a non stop boxing match when it comes to faith. It’s OUR faith that makes us whole and moves mountains. The Word establishes the rules of the match, the Holy Spirit is our trainer, and God is the referee. Jesus, well, he’s in our corner wiping the blood off our faces and squirting water into our mouths and speaking the words of encouragement we need to hear because he’s already been through it.

Today I woke up and talked to God about yesterday (and the past year and a half).

“God, yesterday I was knocked out. I threw in the towel. I was done. I was spent. I was wore out. It was a silly laptop that pushed me over the edge but everything has been building and pushing me to my breaking point. Today, I’m renewing my mind. I’m continuing the fight. I was knocked out but I know according to your Word, who gets TKO’ed, and it’s not me.”

Faith is a fight. And where I felt defeated yesterday because the latest Windows 10 update destroyed my laptop and rendered it useless, the one tool I had to work on the manuscript God has called me write, the fight isn’t over. It wasn’t just about the laptop. It was about every little punch the enemy has hit us with over the past year. I was tired. I needed a break. I needed to lay in the middle of the ring and not move for a while. I needed time to recuperate.

Guess who came back up swinging? Guess who’s still in my corner? Guess who’s rules still apply? Guess who gets the Total Knock Out when all is said and done.

Keep fighting. Get back up. Swing. Don’t download the latest Windows 10 update.




Ever hear a dead person speak?

I’m not talking about seances…that’s a topic for a different day and those aren’t dead relatives you are talking to.

I’m talking about a Word I received from the Holy Spirit during my study time this week.

Those were the exact words I heard, “Dead men don’t speak.”

This week, and last, I have been reading through the book of Acts. My personal general Bible study consists of an open Bible, a specific journal to take notes in by chapter and an open browser next to me if I need to research something quickly as I study or look a word up.

There are times I am studying a topic in-depth and it includes all of those things plus my stack of books consisting of my Strong’s concordance and Vines dictionary along with a few different translations of the Bible.

God put it on my heart a couple of weeks ago to study in the book of Acts, so I am. Wednesday, as I was reading, I came to Chapter 9, verses 3-6:

And as he journeyed, he came near Damascus: and suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven: And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks. And he trembling and astonished said, Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? And the Lord said unto him, Arise, and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must do.

It was verse 5 where I heard the Holy Spirit speak the words “Dead men don’t speak.”

v. 5 – And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks. 

We as a Church, throughout all lands, are taught that Jesus is alive. We are told this. We speak it. We read it. We accept it, but do we realize it? Do we live it? Do we know it?

I kept reading that verse over and over again. There was revelation in the fact that Jesus really is alive.

In this verse he is talking to Saul (later known as Paul). Yeah, that guy that killed a whole bunch of Christians, sought them out, imprisoned them, tortured them, treated them as trash. That guy.

Jesus himself speaks to him on the road to Damascus. He not only speaks to him, he confronts him. He says, while shining a bright light in his face (paraphrased), “Hey man, why are you bullying me? What’s your deal?”

Saul, as a typical bully would do, cowers down and doesn’t know what to think. He asks who it is that is speaking to him. I mean, wouldn’t you want to know who it is if you heard a voice but couldn’t see who it was coming from? That’s always the first question, “Who is that?” Better yet, as we used to yell as little kids, “Who goes there?”

Jesus answers him. He says who he is (again, paraphrased), “Yo, it’s me, Jesus. The one you keep bullying…? Duh. I’m tellin’ ya, you are about to get got”

“Get got” is a phrase my husband and I use to express the danger brought on by one’s self in a situation, for those who need clarification.

Jesus basically warns Saul that he’s going to feel the ramifications of his persecution of Christians in a mighty way if he doesn’t knock it off. 

Here is where it gets interesting. How can Jesus speak to him if he’s dead? He can’t! Jesus lived, was crucified, DIED on the cross and then was raised from the dead and LIVES standing at the right hand of God.

This comes after all of that happened. Saul is on the road to Damascus and this is after the crucifixion of Christ. He had to be resurrected and has to be alive in order to speak to Saul. The men with Saul heard his voice as well but couldn’t see him.

This is why the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, “Dead men don’t speak.” I said, “Lord, I know this, why are you showing me this?”

The response – “Because the Church needs revelation in this.”

Wow. We sure do. Do we live and act like Jesus is alive or do we just say he is?

Do we serve a LIVING God or do we just pretend to?

Do we rejoice and claim our victory through Him or do we just put on a smile and go about our business?

In Galatians 2:20, Paul (that Saul guy who is now saved and serving God) said he was crucified with Christ. What does that mean? Jesus could easily look at him and say, “Paul, you don’t pour my cereal.”

Paul wasn’t up on one of those trees hanging by his hands and feet. He wasn’t lashed so bad that his skin was ripped from his back. He wasn’t buried in a tomb. How in the world was he crucified with Christ?

Because Christ took it all, for all, and LIVES. He lives at the right hand of God. He lives on the inside of each of us. He lives. He lives. He lives.

Start acting like it.

Start talking like it.

Start living like it.

Get blessed.