Tag: God

GIVE UP

Give up. Yes, you read that correctly, give up.

A few weeks ago God was dealing with me on some things and as I was going about my morning routine I was praying and conversing with the Holy Spirit. I opened the cabinet to grab a mug for some tea and I grabbed this one:

When I looked at it I automatically read it out of habit and then I heard the Holy Spirit say. “Give up.”

My response naturally was, “What?”

Then I heard it again, “GIVE. UP.”

So I asked, “God, what do you mean?”

The things I had been praying about and talking to God about were things I was carrying that I didn’t need to. The constant scenarios in my head of how things could/should/would go and trying to control it all with my mind, (which by the way does not work) were consuming my time, causing me unnecessary worry, and putting me in a bad mood.

God was telling me to give up my control and put these things in His hands.

“Lord, how do I do that? I’m really good at analyzing things in my head, over and over and over…”

Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

That was the verse that came to mind.  How many things do we pray about and continue to carry?

When I was in first or second grade I took a tap and ballet class. There was a group of girls, four of them, that I became friends with, or so I thought. They were nice starting off but as class went on, one of them started being not so nice to me. She would talk to me but she would be rude and sometimes she would take the other three girls and walk off saying she needed to tell them something and would leave me out. I wasn’t naive, I knew she was a bully, but at the same time didn’t understand why because I had never done anything to her, I was always nice to her.

She used to carry this satchel type bag that cinched at the top with a drawstring. It wasn’t very big, the kind you wear around your wrist. One day she said she had stuff in there she wanted to show us but then she looked at me and said, “Except you, I’m not showing you,” and she took the other girls off a ways and had her back to me as they stood in a huddle. While she took things out of her bag to show them, she kept looking back over her shoulder at me to make sure I wasn’t trying to peek at it.

I remember standing there thinking how stupid she looked. Just being honest.

So class started and we always put our things up along the wall. This was in the school gym right after school had let out for the day so we always had our book bags, coats, etc.

Well that day my mom was running behind picking me up so I was the last one waiting with my teacher. She picked up the satchel that the girl had earlier and asked me if I knew who it belonged to.

I responded with, “Yes, it’s so-and-sos, I can take it home and give it to her at school tomorrow if you’d like.”

I honestly don’t remember any of the girls names now but I remember trying to hold back my excitement of taking that stupid bag home so I could see what it was she was hiding from me.

My teacher agreed and I took the bag and could not wait to get home. When I did, I ran upstairs to my bedroom, threw my things down in the corner and hopped up on my bed still clutching the satchel. I felt my heart racing and the excitement building even more. I stood up and set the bag on my bed, staring at it. All the scenarios played through my head:

  1. Don’t look because she didn’t want me to and just give it to her tomorrow.
  2. Would she even believe me if I said I didn’t look?
  3. Just throw the bag away and pretend like I never saw it…then remembered my teacher knew I had it.
  4. Look in the bag and give it to her tomorrow at school and if she asks, tell her I didn’t look.
  5. Look in the bag and give it to her tomorrow and tell her I DID look…

I remember standing there forever trying to decide what I was going to do. I was a conscientious child and even though she was mean about it, she didn’t want me to know whatever she had in there and I felt like if I looked, I would be commiting a sin. I struggled with that thought all evening. I hid the bag under my bed when I went down for dinner and mulled over my options as I got ready for bed that night.

I pulled the bag back out and set it on my bed and finally decided I was going to look. I remember dumping the contents out on the bed and looking at a handful of charms (the plastic keychain charms we used to collect in the early 80s), some erasers, and a couple of other trinkets and thinking, “That’s it?” 

I turned that bag inside out to make sure I didn’t miss something and sure enough, that was it. I don’t know what I was expecting but I know I was disappointed. I scooped the stuff up and put it back in the satchel  and tucked it into my school bag.

The next day at school I found her before class started and handed it over saying, “You forgot this yesterday at dance class.” She snatched it out of my hand with a look of fear and immediately asked, “Did you look in it?”

I said,”No, I promise I didn’t, I have no clue what you have in there,” with the biggest smile on my face. I remember the look of unsureness on her face as I walked away. I committed the sin I was so worried about the night before.

Next dance class I arrived with a bag of my own with some of my favorite trinkets in my bag and told the group of girls I wanted to show them what I had, except for “her”. She tried to bargain with me and offered to show me what she had in her satchel if I showed her what was in my bag. I politely declined. I already knew what she had and I wanted her to know what it felt like to be left out on purpose.

I remember the look on her face. She was hurt. At the end of class I went up to her and said, “If you’ll stop being mean to me I’ll show you what I have in my bag and you can show me what you have in yours.” She agreed and we dumped our treasures out to find out we collected a lot of the same things.

I wish I could say we went on to become best friends but we didn’t.  We did however remain friends through the duration of that year in dance class and she stopped being mean to me.

All that to say this…

How many things do we carry around in our “satchel” that we refuse to give up to God? Things that are the most important to us but we hide them away from Him? Things that we won’t even let Him look at?

He wants us to share EVERYTHING with Him, big and small, stupid and important. He WANTS to help us with the things that worry us or cause us stress and WANTS to share in the joy of what brings us joy too! He wants this because it PROTECTS us. That’s how much God loves us.

I Peter 5:6-11 NKJV
[6] Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, [7] casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. [8] Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. [9] Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. [10] But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. [11] To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

https://bible.com/bible/114/1pe.5.6-11.NKJV

CENSUS

CENSUS

04.02.2020

Last night I had a dream that I was downtown in a city.  I don’t think the point of it was the specific city, but just being in a city setting, that I was to take notice of.

It was night-time. I was on my way to a special event. I don’t know what this special event was exactly, but I knew important people were going to be there. At one point, I was in an empty lobby of a what appeared to be a bank. I wasn’t sure why I was there, but I was looking around and caught my reflection in a window. I noticed I had no makeup on, and my hair wasn’t done. I found this odd for a couple of reasons. I used to be the type of person who wouldn’t leave the house without a shower, makeup on and hair done. Since having a child, this has pretty much gone out the door and I don’t really care anymore. So in this dream, I found it odd that I was bothered by the fact that I didn’t have makeup on but also bothered by the fact that I was supposed to be going to an important event and wasn’t “dressed up” for it other than a black ball gown.

I walked outside and there were some people on the streets, everyone on foot, not many compared to what it usually would be. I was heading to wherever this event was to be and as I walked around the corner of one block, I had the thought that I shouldn’t go that way being alone as it wouldn’t be safe. About that time, there were a couple others behind me that were also going the same direction. I then realized, it didn’t matter where I went, I would be safe because there were no other people out except those with the same mission – to get to this event. So, I continued on my way.

Those that were out and heading to the special event also were dressed nicely but I noticed they too had no makeup and the men weren’t groomed in the same sense that people going to a special event would be groomed. I remember thinking, “All of us are exposed.”

When I woke up I was saying key/trigger words associated with what is going on in the world, “COVID-19, corona virus, shelter at home, etc”  and as I recalled this dream, I asked God what the significance of it was because I felt this was a dream I needed to take note of. I knew the Holy Spirit was letting me know the dream had to do with the current events.

All this morning I’ve been talking with God and asking Him to reveal to me the meaning of this dream.

I was led to 2 Samuel 24. I encourage you to read this chapter for yourself.

In 2 Samuel 24, King David takes a census. This truly got my attention given 2020 is a census year. David took a census out of pride and not out of the command of God. There is some great commentary you can read at the following link in regards to this as it is too much to explain here:

https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/2-samuel-24/

As well as the commentary for Exodus 30

https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/exodus-30/

Numbering people takes ownership of them. David was trying to give himself credit for the growth in Israel. He was influenced by satan to do this, not God, which brought a three day-plague upon the people and thousands died.

Exodus 30:12 KJV states:

When thou takest the sum of the children of Israel after their number, then shall they give every man a ransom for his soul unto the LORD, when thou numberest them; that there be no plague among them, when thou numberest them.

When God ordered a census, the people had to pay a price to avoid a plague. They were only to be numbered if God requested it, not man. Back then, counting something (people, animals, etc) showed ownership. Israel didn’t own Israel, Israel was God’s. David took it upon himself to conduct a census in 2 Samuel thus bringing a plague upon the land.

Now, all of this takes place in the Old Testament. We know that Jesus was offered as the ultimate sacrifice and a New Covenant (New Testament) was made. It did not however abolish the Old Covenant, it FULFILLED it. So what does all of this have to do with current events?

God’s people are being tested right now. God will never tempt us, but He will test us. A test measures our weaknesses and our strengths. It is a way to show ourselves what areas we excel at and what areas we need to work on. God testing us is another way He shows His love towards us because it makes us grow.

Our faith is being tested. There are many who sit in a building at designated times of service and know nothing of God or Christ or the Holy Spirit. There are many who preach one thing and live another. There are many who say they believe but really don’t. I heard “threshing floor” in my time with God and the Holy Spirit today and immediately thought of Matthew 3:12 (Amplified)

12 His [j]winnowing fork is in His hand, and He will thoroughly clear out His threshing floor; and He will gather His wheat (believers) into His barn (kingdom), but He will burn up the chaff (the unrepentant) with unquenchable fire.”

 

My question was “God, are you clearing out your threshing floor?”. That is when I was directed to 2 Samuel 24. King David repents after conducting the census and buys the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite and sets up an altar to God on that threshing floor, as directed by God. He offered burnt offerings and peace offerings to God and God was moved to compassion by David’s prayer for the people and He held the plague back from Israel.

So I asked God for clarification on all of this as I pieced things together. Last week, I was going through a box of old items and came across a bookmark that I tossed to the trash pile. When I did, I heard in my spirit, “Pick it back up.” I did and written on the back side were two Bible verses. This was a bookmark I had used as a young girl in Sunday school in my Bible. The two verses were as follows:

Leviticus 27:2 King James Version (KJV)

2 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When a man shall make a singular vow, the persons shall be for the Lord by thy estimation.

And the following:

Exodus 3:17 King James Version (KJV)

17 And I have said, I will bring you up out of the affliction of Egypt unto the land of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, unto a land flowing with milk and honey.

 

These two verses tie right back in to 2 Samuel and Exodus 30.

I believe God is exposing His people to themselves through all of this. Our faith is being tested. We are being shown what we reflect. There will be many who fall away from the church as they no longer go to a building. They will be shown the superficial persona of their faith, of their belief. Then there will be those who are strengthened in their faith, those who grow in it.

There are those right now who stopped tithing and giving offerings because they aren’t physically present in a worship building yet will sit and watch the services on line. There are those who are using this time as free ride to not pursue the Word at all believing they will once the church opens back up.

It may not appear this way, but God is pouring His love out on his children as a gardener would on his crops to help them grown. The weeds will be plucked. The weak will be strengthened. The strong will be harvested first.

His threshing floor has filled up and He is making room using what the enemy meant for harm and making it glorious. He is not redefining His Church but taking us back to what He intended it to be all along. Man has redefined it into something that has caused confusion and hard hearts. God is opening the threshing floor for those who choose to come closer to Him.

The message now is the same as it has always been. Repent. Repent. Repent.

People don’t want to hear the message of Repentance because it makes them examine themselves and admit what they already know, that they are not living according to His Word or even trying to.

Faith doesn’t mean a person has to be perfected in the things of God. Faith is seeking the things of God and His ways for a better life for ourselves and those around us. God is testing His children to expose them, to reveal them, to GROW them. Let yourself be tested. Examine your faith. Repent and turn back to God. He waits for us, for you. He has a land flowing with milk and honey for those who would heed His Word.

Repent, pray, give offering to God. Seek Him in what that looks like.

Be blessed.

Misty

 

 

 

 

FEAR

FEAR

On my walk yesterday I was listening to a message from Gary Keesee and in that message they briefly talked about fear.

As I was listening, the Holy Spirit dropped this into my spirit and I’ve been meditating on it ever since.

“Fear is the enemy’s form of faith.”

When I heard this, I asked for further explanation and of course it was given.

It’s often said that fear is the opposite of faith, which is true. But to better understand this and fight off fear, we have to understand fear is the enemy’s form of faith.

The enemy has a way of taking Godly things and twisting or perverting them just enough to capture a person who may not have their guard up, or in Biblical terms, have their armor of God on (Ephesians 6:10-18).

Fear is the opposite of faith. Worry is a form of fear. Thinking the worst of a situation is fear. Thinking negatively is a form of fear.

Fear is having faith that the “bad” thing will happen. This is the enemy’s form of faith.

Godly faith is KNOWING the Word and that all things work together for our good (for those who love the Lord -Romans 8:28).

The Word informs us “bad” things will happen to all of us but for those of us who love Him, He will turn that situation into something good. This is what we should always focus our faith on. Not in worry, not in the negative “what ifs”.

What if we started what if-ing positive outcomes? What if I am healed? What if that debt is paid off? What if that relationship is reconciled? Those kind of what if’s will lead us into Godly faith and KNOWING His promises.

Kingdom Business

SEEK what first above all else? The kingdom of God.

WHERE is the kingdom of God? Inside each of us.

WHAT is in the kingdom? Righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Matthew 6:33 KJV

Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.
Luke 17:21 KJV

For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.
Romans 14:17 KJV

God’s love

I first gave my life to Christ around the age of 11. That simply meant I chose to believe what the Word says about who God is and who Jesus is. Shortly after, I made the decision to be baptized, an outward declaration to the world of the decision I had made to follow after God.

Then as a teenager, probably starting around age 14, and into my 20’s, I fell far away from any kind of Godly life. That’s a story for a different time.

I was 28 when I rededicated my life to Christ and God. Those that know the story of the prodigal son just make it the story of the prodigal daughter and that was me. For those that don’t know the story, it simply means I was tired of living and doing things my way (because it brought nothing but misery) so I told God I was ready to try things His way again and that I needed His help.

I just turned 40 this past February so I’ve been growing in my faith for 12 years now. I would never want to go back to how I was living in that “middle” part of my life but it has only been in the past six months or so that I have had a revelation in my relationship with God that I didn’t even realize I struggled with all these years.

I’ve always believed and known that Jesus loves me. I’ve never doubted that. God on the other hand, I’ve doubted quite a bit.

God knows every detail of our lives and if you knew every detail of mine, you would see how hard it’s been for me to accept that God truly, relentlessly, constantly, loves me.

I don’t know the exact moment it hit me that I was not fully persuaded that God loves me but it’s been something I’ve been meditating on for quite some time now.

Over the years I would listen to messages or read my Bible on God’s love and God IS love and for some reason, without realizing I was doing it, I would always tell myself, “He may love everyone but not me. Not like that. Not constantly.”

I had somehow convinced myself that God was always kind of upset with me and if He was always kind of upset with me, He didn’t always love me.

This is how I was living my Christian faith. The entire time as I served at my church, as I tithed faithfully, as I prayed in the Spirit, as I talked to others about how God loved them…

I didn’t believe it for myself. I couldn’t accept that God would or could love me. I let past shame, self disappointment and doubt over shadow God’s written Word.

This past week, something clicked. I’ve been working on accepting God’s love for me and working to see Him as the Word describes Him and not what the world says about Him. Not letting MY past or MY actions determine who HE is.

I’ve had to immerse myself in completely opening up to God and letting Him love me. I believe this may be partially the reason he sent us a son who is now 15 months. I have gained a deeper understanding of my relationship with my heavenly Father through the relationship that is building with my son.

God looks at me and smiles and I see it now. He rejoices over me. He wants the best for me. He is on my side. He fights for me, not against me. He is the same God to me that He is for you. Let Him love you.

Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

NEW WORKBOOK AVAILABLE

The latest in my Bible Study Workbook Series, Galatians: Authenticating Christ, is now available through Amazon.

This is the 4th volume in the series with more to come.  Click the photo to purchase through Amazon or click here.

GALATIANS FRONT COVER FLAT 052918

 

Other volumes in this series are also available here (or click the picture).

WORKBOOKS cropped

 

 

GET BLESSED!!

ANGRY WITH GOD

I’ve been angry with God. That’s right, angry with the Almighty. There’s no point in hiding it, He knows.

Well, at least I thought I was angry with Him.

1 Timothy 6:12 says:

Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.

I realized today I’ve been frustrated and angry with my own faith.

For a year and a half my husband and I have been believing God for certain things. I can’t go into detail about all of it right now but some of these things are simple things. Every door we thought would open for one thing in particular to come to pass has been slammed shut or nailed shut from the other side before we even arrived at it. It’s been frustrating. Just when we think the situation is about to change, it doesn’t. So we continue on in our faith and belief.

We continue to listen to sermons and read material to encourage our faith walk. We stand on scripture knowing what we have asked for is in line with God’s will. As days, weeks, months and the year and a half has gone by, things seem to have gotten worse.

Yesterday I broke. I was angry. I was frustrated. I was bitter. I was ready to give up and did. I was done. Finished. Towel in hand.

We can’t hide from God so I just let Him have it. I threw my temper tantrum, I questioned our situation based on HIS Word.

“God, we’ve been obedient! We’ve believed! We’ve done what you’ve asked us to do! Those things you asked us to do that we didn’t do, we repented and made right! We’ve prayed! We’ve waited! We’ve listened! Why are we being squeezed into nothing?! Why are you allowing this to happen?! Why?! Why is our situation getting worse and not better?! ”

Fight the good fight of faith. Faith is a fight. I don’t know what round I was in yesterday but I lost that one horribly. It was a KO.

We are in a non stop boxing match when it comes to faith. It’s OUR faith that makes us whole and moves mountains. The Word establishes the rules of the match, the Holy Spirit is our trainer, and God is the referee. Jesus, well, he’s in our corner wiping the blood off our faces and squirting water into our mouths and speaking the words of encouragement we need to hear because he’s already been through it.

Today I woke up and talked to God about yesterday (and the past year and a half).

“God, yesterday I was knocked out. I threw in the towel. I was done. I was spent. I was wore out. It was a silly laptop that pushed me over the edge but everything has been building and pushing me to my breaking point. Today, I’m renewing my mind. I’m continuing the fight. I was knocked out but I know according to your Word, who gets TKO’ed, and it’s not me.”

Faith is a fight. And where I felt defeated yesterday because the latest Windows 10 update destroyed my laptop and rendered it useless, the one tool I had to work on the manuscript God has called me write, the fight isn’t over. It wasn’t just about the laptop. It was about every little punch the enemy has hit us with over the past year. I was tired. I needed a break. I needed to lay in the middle of the ring and not move for a while. I needed time to recuperate.

Guess who came back up swinging? Guess who’s still in my corner? Guess who’s rules still apply? Guess who gets the Total Knock Out when all is said and done.

Keep fighting. Get back up. Swing. Don’t download the latest Windows 10 update.

Miracles Still Happen

I haven’t been writing much lately and I miss it. My time however has been consumed with the arrival of our son, Nicolas. He was born February 24th, healthy and whole.

I wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids. I was told in my early 20’s that it would be a miracle if I ever became pregnant. Well, at age 39, our miracle is currently snoozing in my arms.

I may have shared this before but eight years or so ago I had a dream that I walked into my doctor’s office wearing a green hospital gown and for the life of me, didn’t understand why I was wearing a hospital gown. The next thing I knew I was in one of the exam rooms and I was in labor.

Even in the dream I was confused as to how it was happening. Then, the doctor handed me a little blonde-haired, bright-eyed, healthy baby boy. As I looked down at him I heard a voice behind me say, “His name is Nicolas and I sent him.”

I woke up from that dream not knowing what to make of it. I thought maybe my husband and I would adopt one day and that’s what it was about. I held onto that dream in my heart all these years waiting to see exactly what God had in store and this past July when we realized I was pregnant, I knew exactly who I was carrying in my womb. Nicolas.

Dimples photography

He looks just as I remember him. He has blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

On my 38th birthday I made a promise to myself to be in my best health by the time I was 40. I’ve always tried to live a healthy lifestyle but had some health issues hindering my efforts. Through prayer I found and switched my way of eating to a Ketogenic lifestyle. When I did, all of those health issues dissappeared. Within two weeks my bloodwork was normal again and I felt like a new person. We’ve never looked back and keep moving forward. You can read about that journey here.

I had read that Keto helped many women with infertility issues but it never crossed my mind that it would be the same for me. I had it stuck in my head that I would never have kids and had accepted that a long time ago. However, my daily prayers over my health of being healed and whole…well, I was healed of everything and made completely whole. When God does something, He does it right.

He’s only 13 days old but I don’t know if I will ever not feel overwhelmed holding him…not just holding him but knowing I am holding a promise from God. I get to hold a promise that God showed me over eight years ago after believing for almost 20 years that it was impossible.

If God can do this, He can do anything. There are things I’m believing Him for right now that seem truly impossible but I’m reminded with each feeding, each diaper change, each cry, each smile, each coo, each look, that with God all things are possible.

Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.
Jeremiah 1:5 KJV

But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.
Matthew 19:26 KJV

FEAR NO MORE

I’ve been meditating on this and feel led to share. Sharing a testimony is for others, not for ourselves. People need to know they aren’t going through things alone. The enemy likes to make us think we are alone and when he gets us alone, he can really mess with us.

December 21, 2009, when we found my dad in his front office, deceased, my adrenaline had kicked in so hard that I couldn’t even dial 9-1-1 on my large faced android phone. Literally, took me about five minutes to be able to dial the numbers I was shaking so bad from the adrenaline. I was so frustrated I eventually set the phone down on one of the work tables and used my right hand to steady my left hand enough to dial the numbers. Not sure how that worked since both hands were uncontrollably trembling.

Something happened to me that night because of the adrenaline rush. Something changed internally. I don’t really know how to explain it but I thought something was really wrong with me because I wasn’t, and couldn’t, cry. I couldn’t really feel anything, I had gone numb physically, emotionally and mentally. I didn’t cry the entire time we waited on police and ambulance to show up. I didn’t even cry as I watched them wheel him out on a gurney in a zipped up body bag. I just kept thinking over and over again, “What is wrong with me?”

A fear settled into me that I had never had before, little by little. I started noticing it when things would take place months after his passing. The following February I had a meltdown in my car driving home when snow hit and I was stuck on a hill with my wheels spinning. It came out of nowhere.

When the tornadoes came through on April 2011 and I drove through the tail end of one downtown, thinking my car was going to go rolling like a tumbleweed, the fear living inside of me gained strength.

I didn’t understand why this fear had taken hold of me and there aren’t words to describe what it was really like. Children of God aren’t supposed to live in fear and I prayed about this daily and begged God to take it from me over the last 8 years. I wasn’t a person who lived in fear prior to this. My husband knows however that this fear had changed me. If it was raining out, I wasn’t driving anywhere and if I did, it was nerve wracking and I was white knuckling the steering wheel the entire time. Didn’t even have to be storming, just raining.

It was never about the rain or the snow though. It was a fear that settled in the night my dad passed. I hated it. I didn’t want it. I was ashamed of it.

Earlier this summer, when we were headed to one of our first appointments for a baby check up, it was pouring rain sideways and some thunder and lightning…My husband asked me if I wanted him to drive. My response was, “No, why?”

Note that I typically drive when we go somewhere because I get severe car sickness, something else I’ve prayed about and still believing I will no longer have.

I realized however in that moment, the fear was gone. Completely gone. It no longer had a hold of me. I knew it wasn’t coming back either. For over seven years I had been living with an internal fear, had never talked to anyone besides God about it and continuously spoke scriptures over myself in defiance to the fear, and it had hindered me in many ways. In that moment, I was set free. Prayer, perseverance and the Word of God had conquered it.

One would think it would get worse carrying a child inside them and worrying about their safety but just like something clicked inside of me when that fear took hold, something clicked inside of me when I let it go. I knew right then, I would never have that again. It was gone.

I was thinking about this last night as I was driving to church when I left work. It was pouring, people driving crazy, water on the roads, glare on my windshield…and I started laughing.

 

Joshua 1:9

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

GOD’S PLAN, NOT MINE

Sometimes we find ourselves in places that make no sense. I am there right now. I have been there for a while. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m going to start chasing rabbits or having tea with strange men in purple velvet suits and tall hats.

It’s hard to trust God when we don’t understand the situation. More so, it’s hard to trust Him when we can’t see the entire picture. He sees it but sometimes we barely see past the end of our own nose.

I constantly remind myself of the Israelites and the forty years they wandered in the desert. I remind myself of this because it helps to keep my attitude and my obedience in check. History is meant for us to learn from. We would be fools not to study it…

They would not have wandered as long as they did had they just trusted in God’s plan and submitted to it. There was a second factor that also played into their wandering. Their attitude.

I believe it was Zig Ziglar who said,

“It is your attitude, more than your aptitude, that will determine your altitude.”

How true it is. Attitude equals altitude is a more simple way to put it.

Being pregnant with a due date of March 2018, it has been shown to me through recent experiences that employers find their way around the law of not hiring someone who is pregnant with things such as job requirements of being able to lift over a certain weight and excuses like, “We hired someone more qualified.” No way to prove their discrimination in such instances unless they come out and say, “We aren’t hiring you because you are pregnant.”

This is why I trust God’s plan. I have obtained a seasonal part-time position and hopefully another part-time position this next week by employers who I have been up-front with, same as all the others, with my pregnancy. This tells me they are fair people and employers. I am thankful for this most of all.

They are however two positions that I would have never thought myself to be in. They are both new experiences and I have enjoyed the first so far. For the past 20 years I have worked in a professional office atmosphere. The seasonal part-time position is a retail position and although I am adjusting to the hours, I enjoy it. Being pregnant, I need something that is low stress and easy on my body. This fits the description. The second position I would be taking if offered, would be front desk office in a medical atmosphere. Taking phone calls and working with the public I can do in my sleep. I believe getting to wear scrubs is a bonus on that one.

So here I am, in the desert, unknown territory, and I can either be an Israelite or I can change history and keep a good attitude and know that I am right where God needs me.

I choose the latter. Today I sat in my car in my garage when I pulled in from work and some after work errands and shed some tears. I can’t say they were tears of sadness, frustration, anger or the opposite end of joy, happiness or delight. They were just tears as I prayed and talked to God. God already knows our hearts and I have no problem revealing mine to him anyways so He and I have some pretty candid conversations. Today’s was candid times ten. If anything, my tears were more out of thankfulness, relief and trust.

I told Him I didn’t completely understand where he had me and my husband in life right now and I know I can’t see the entire picture but regardless, I trust Him. I believe His Word and I believe the words that have been spoken over us the past couple of years not to mention the revelations and messages we have personally received in our prayer time while communing with the Holy Spirit.

God is not a liar. God is a God of His Word. He always comes through. He always provides. He always watches over His Word.

The enemy will try to make us think differently. The enemy will try and cause us to doubt. The enemy will try to take our focus off of God and onto the issue…

…and sometimes the enemy succeeds. But God.

But God.

Even when the enemy succeeds, God will send people or a Word into our life to get us back on track. That’s who Jesus is. He’s a Good Shepherd who keeps track of his flock and though one may stray, He will go and search for them and bring them back to safety.

If you have strayed, it’s okay. We all stray at different times no matter how much of the Word we know or how often we go to church. God knows how to take care of His people. Open your heart to His peace, His comfort, His protection and His guidance. Ask and receive. If you need direction, tell Him. If you need answers, ask Him. Whatever it is, He loves hearing our voices. Be candid. Talk to Him like you do your best friend. Be open with Him and build trust in your relationship with Him.