FEAR

FEAR

On my walk yesterday I was listening to a message from Gary Keesee and in that message they briefly talked about fear.

As I was listening, the Holy Spirit dropped this into my spirit and I’ve been meditating on it ever since.

“Fear is the enemy’s form of faith.”

When I heard this, I asked for further explanation and of course it was given.

It’s often said that fear is the opposite of faith, which is true. But to better understand this and fight off fear, we have to understand fear is the enemy’s form of faith.

The enemy has a way of taking Godly things and twisting or perverting them just enough to capture a person who may not have their guard up, or in Biblical terms, have their armor of God on (Ephesians 6:10-18).

Fear is the opposite of faith. Worry is a form of fear. Thinking the worst of a situation is fear. Thinking negatively is a form of fear.

Fear is having faith that the “bad” thing will happen. This is the enemy’s form of faith.

Godly faith is KNOWING the Word and that all things work together for our good (for those who love the Lord -Romans 8:28).

The Word informs us “bad” things will happen to all of us but for those of us who love Him, He will turn that situation into something good. This is what we should always focus our faith on. Not in worry, not in the negative “what ifs”.

What if we started what if-ing positive outcomes? What if I am healed? What if that debt is paid off? What if that relationship is reconciled? Those kind of what if’s will lead us into Godly faith and KNOWING His promises.

Kingdom Business

SEEK what first above all else? The kingdom of God.

WHERE is the kingdom of God? Inside each of us.

WHAT is in the kingdom? Righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Matthew 6:33 KJV

Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.
Luke 17:21 KJV

For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.
Romans 14:17 KJV

God’s love

I first gave my life to Christ around the age of 11. That simply meant I chose to believe what the Word says about who God is and who Jesus is. Shortly after, I made the decision to be baptized, an outward declaration to the world of the decision I had made to follow after God.

Then as a teenager, probably starting around age 14, and into my 20’s, I fell far away from any kind of Godly life. That’s a story for a different time.

I was 28 when I rededicated my life to Christ and God. Those that know the story of the prodigal son just make it the story of the prodigal daughter and that was me. For those that don’t know the story, it simply means I was tired of living and doing things my way (because it brought nothing but misery) so I told God I was ready to try things His way again and that I needed His help.

I just turned 40 this past February so I’ve been growing in my faith for 12 years now. I would never want to go back to how I was living in that “middle” part of my life but it has only been in the past six months or so that I have had a revelation in my relationship with God that I didn’t even realize I struggled with all these years.

I’ve always believed and known that Jesus loves me. I’ve never doubted that. God on the other hand, I’ve doubted quite a bit.

God knows every detail of our lives and if you knew every detail of mine, you would see how hard it’s been for me to accept that God truly, relentlessly, constantly, loves me.

I don’t know the exact moment it hit me that I was not fully persuaded that God loves me but it’s been something I’ve been meditating on for quite some time now.

Over the years I would listen to messages or read my Bible on God’s love and God IS love and for some reason, without realizing I was doing it, I would always tell myself, “He may love everyone but not me. Not like that. Not constantly.”

I had somehow convinced myself that God was always kind of upset with me and if He was always kind of upset with me, He didn’t always love me.

This is how I was living my Christian faith. The entire time as I served at my church, as I tithed faithfully, as I prayed in the Spirit, as I talked to others about how God loved them…

I didn’t believe it for myself. I couldn’t accept that God would or could love me. I let past shame, self disappointment and doubt over shadow God’s written Word.

This past week, something clicked. I’ve been working on accepting God’s love for me and working to see Him as the Word describes Him and not what the world says about Him. Not letting MY past or MY actions determine who HE is.

I’ve had to immerse myself in completely opening up to God and letting Him love me. I believe this may be partially the reason he sent us a son who is now 15 months. I have gained a deeper understanding of my relationship with my heavenly Father through the relationship that is building with my son.

God looks at me and smiles and I see it now. He rejoices over me. He wants the best for me. He is on my side. He fights for me, not against me. He is the same God to me that He is for you. Let Him love you.

Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.

GOD STILL HEALS

I don’t even know how to describe my Sunday. I’m laying in bed at 12:30 in the morning trying to process everything.

I’ve never had a day like today. There was heartbreaking news I received first thing this morning that broke my heart for a friend. Then an on time message at church in regards to some other things we are dealing with. A message that confirmed some of God’s promises for our life. Then more heartbreaking news after service. Then an evening service with a special guest minister who spoke something over me that I didn’t understand when he said it. I’ll get back to that in a minute. At the end of service I received healing that I’ve been believing God for, for a very long time. Then once home I found out my Aunt, who I just talked with a few weeks ago, passed on Friday.

The word spoken over me was from Psalm 30:5… weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

When I heard the news of my aunt, I understood.

I promised God when I re-dedicated my life to Christ that I would always testify of His goodness. I don’t know what else to do right now except that. My aunt is no longer suffering and is healed and whole so I rejoice in that. As for the other heartbreaking news from today I can only trust and believe that God will bring something beautiful out of those situations more than He already has.

As for my healing, I watched my own left leg grow an inch and a half tonight. I was in the presence of God at the altar and a work was done there on a deeper level than I will go into here. But then, at the very end of service, I sat and watched a prophet of God pray for healing in my back as my heels rested in the palms of his hands.

You may have heard me mention before that around age 11 or 12, I had a mishap while cross country skiing where I got my skis crossed and fell hitting my tail bone directly on the spot where the skis were crossed. I truly thought I was paralyzed. I couldn’t move for at least 20 minutes and then forced myself to get up and walk, a very slow walk. I had other injuries after that including a bulged disc and some other issues over the years.

I’ve been to the chiropractor for years to get relief and preventative care. I haven’t been able to go these past few months because even with our new insurance, we haven’t had the money to cover our cost of the visits. I’ve been standing in faith that I’m healed even though in the natural I don’t remember a time I haven’t had some form of back pain going on. I don’t go by what I feel or see though, I go by what I know to be true in God’s Word and tonight that truth manifested.

As I sat back against the chair, straight as I could, when I put my feet in the palms of his hand, my left foot was about an inch and a half shorter. This was no surprise to me because I have not been able to stand flat on both feet without leaning to the right to balance myself out. So as he prayed… I will do my best to describe what I felt… It felt as if hands were wrapped around the bones from my lower back, in my hips, down my legs, to my feet, and pulled every which way to align everything as it should be. I even, not realizing it at first, pulled back against the adjusting and felt the pressure of it pulling me the other way. The work was in progress and there wasn’t anyway I could stop it if I wanted to because I was open to receiving my healing. I saw my left leg, with my own two eyes, grow (realign) an inch and a half. There were witnesses as well. There were others with back problems who were healed in the same way and I watched their legs reallign.

I knew when I stood up and walked, the healing was complete. When I walked across the sanctuary, I stood flat foot without having to lean to one side.

Then, on the way home, as I was talking with God and trying to process everything, I realized I could breath normally. God healed me of asthma tonight and I didn’t even know until I was driving home.

Two things: an obedient man is an instrument of God through which the Holy Spirit can operate. The healing comes from God, not the man, and we have to receive it. Second, the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy so after healing he may try to bring symptoms back to get you thinking you weren’t really healed. Tell the enemy to shove it and stand on God’s promise of healing.

I still don’t know how to describe my overall day. There’s much in the details (outside of my healing) I’m choosing not to share and half of it isn’t mine to share anyways.

Pray for me and my family. My Aunt meant a lot to me.

Regardless of this up and down day, God is still good and the same today as He was yesterday and I can depend on Him tomorrow as well.

Miracles Still Happen

I haven’t been writing much lately and I miss it. My time however has been consumed with the arrival of our son, Nicolas. He was born February 24th, healthy and whole.

I wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids. I was told in my early 20’s that it would be a miracle if I ever became pregnant. Well, at age 39, our miracle is currently snoozing in my arms.

I may have shared this before but eight years or so ago I had a dream that I walked into my doctor’s office wearing a green hospital gown and for the life of me, didn’t understand why I was wearing a hospital gown. The next thing I knew I was in one of the exam rooms and I was in labor.

Even in the dream I was confused as to how it was happening. Then, the doctor handed me a little blonde-haired, bright-eyed, healthy baby boy. As I looked down at him I heard a voice behind me say, “His name is Nicolas and I sent him.”

I woke up from that dream not knowing what to make of it. I thought maybe my husband and I would adopt one day and that’s what it was about. I held onto that dream in my heart all these years waiting to see exactly what God had in store and this past July when we realized I was pregnant, I knew exactly who I was carrying in my womb. Nicolas.

Dimples photography

He looks just as I remember him. He has blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

On my 38th birthday I made a promise to myself to be in my best health by the time I was 40. I’ve always tried to live a healthy lifestyle but had some health issues hindering my efforts. Through prayer I found and switched my way of eating to a Ketogenic lifestyle. When I did, all of those health issues dissappeared. Within two weeks my bloodwork was normal again and I felt like a new person. We’ve never looked back and keep moving forward. You can read about that journey here.

I had read that Keto helped many women with infertility issues but it never crossed my mind that it would be the same for me. I had it stuck in my head that I would never have kids and had accepted that a long time ago. However, my daily prayers over my health of being healed and whole…well, I was healed of everything and made completely whole. When God does something, He does it right.

He’s only 13 days old but I don’t know if I will ever not feel overwhelmed holding him…not just holding him but knowing I am holding a promise from God. I get to hold a promise that God showed me over eight years ago after believing for almost 20 years that it was impossible.

If God can do this, He can do anything. There are things I’m believing Him for right now that seem truly impossible but I’m reminded with each feeding, each diaper change, each cry, each smile, each coo, each look, that with God all things are possible.

Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.
Jeremiah 1:5 KJV

But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.
Matthew 19:26 KJV

MAGIC EYES

Remember those magic eye posters that were popular in the 90’s? I was thinking about these last night during our mid-week service.

Wednesday nights our pastor has been teaching on Divine Approval. The main topic has been on righteousness. Many people do not have the revelation that they are righteous in Christ because of it being a free gift from God and not being based on their past/current actions. In other words, many think they are not righteous because they have done things out of line with the Word or will of God. They have sinned. Righteousness is not based on your sins.

Last night the statement was made along the lines of, “there is a difference between righteousness and holiness.”

Righteousness is a free gift from God and it doesn’t matter what you have done. Holiness is produced from righteousness. Holiness is the action of living according to the Word. Sin is missing the mark. Forgiveness is given when asked when you recognize you have missed the mark.

I had a revelation in this concept last night as our pastor was teaching on this. Revelation in the Word is a funny thing, like magic eye pictures. You know it’s there but you can’t see it until you look for it. You may even know what it is you are supposed to see but until you focus your eyes in a specific way, you won’t see it.

It’s interesting the instructions for magic eye say the following –

“Hold the center of the printed image right up to your nose. It should be blurry. Focus as though you are looking through the image into the distance. Very slowly move the image away from your face until the two squares above the image turn into three squares. If you see four squares, move the image farther away from your face until you see three squares. If you see one or two squares, start over! When you clearly see three squares, hold the page still, and the hidden image will magically appear. Once you perceive the hidden image and depth, you can look around the entire 3D image. The longer you look, the clearer the illusion becomes. The farther away you hold the page, the deeper it becomes.”

This is the same as reading the Word. We can hold our Bible, we can put it right up to our nose even. We can quote scripture like there is no tomorrow but until we see BEYOND the end of our nose, we will only see a jumbled picture.

I like how the instructions say, “The longer you work at it, the clearer it becomes.”

Just my thoughts for the day.

 

Romans 1:15-17 (KJV)

So, as much as in me is, I am ready to preach the gospel to you that are at Rome also. For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.

Romans 5:17(KJV)

For if by one man’s offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.)

 

TIME-WARPED

TIME-WARPED

If you read my post from yesterday you will know I am attempting to start my mornings in true Wigglesworth fashion. This morning, I slept right through my alarm to the point when I actually heard it, I thought it was the first time it was going off. It was the third.

 

I didn’t beat myself up over sleeping past my alarm. I just sighed and thought, “Well, I’ll try again tomorrow.” I got up and made the bed in the dark because I wasn’t ready for artificial light just yet. I thought to myself that I would just go ahead and take over making breakfast in the kitchen where my husband was on time as usual but then I stopped and said, “NO. I may have slept late but I can still praise God at 6:30 a.m. like I planned to at 6 a.m.!”

 

I stood in the space between the end of the bed and our closet doors, closed my eyes, looked up and said, “Thank you God for another day,” as I raised my hands in worship to him. I didn’t bounce this morning or dance but I waved my arms enough to create a breeze around myself. I reached for Him. I gave thanks to Him. I smiled. I normally don’t smile until 11 a.m. on a typical day – after I’ve had my coffee and I’ve been awake a few hours. This morning I was smiling before 7 a.m. Who am I?

 

I noticed before I even walked out of the bedroom that I felt different. I noticed that I could feel my blood moving through my body instead of sludging its way around my arteries. Literally, a minute – 60 seconds – of praising God first thing in the morning had me feeling different.

 

Even the dog, who is 17 years old and gives the big `ole Disney eyes to be picked up and put back in the bed after she’s dragged out of it for her morning walk, was trotting down the hallway. She was ready to play! Who is this dog?

 

The atmosphere around me was different and was affecting things around me. That made me smile even more.

 

I finished cooking our breakfast and we sat down to eat. My husband and I pray together every morning before we eat so I took his hand and started with my typical everyday prayer.

 

“Lord, thank you for our hou—“

 

I stopped. My husband and I both looked up at each other and he looked just as shocked as I did. Staring at each other I said, “I don’t know where that came from but I’ll go with it! Lord, thank you for our house!”

 

Then we both put our heads down and I finished with the blessing over our food.

 

I was laughing when we looked up again. I really had no intention of praying that first line but it came out of my mouth. My husband jokingly said, “It’s like praying with Elmer Fudd this morning.”

 

A couple of weeks ago I started reading and listening to Terri Savelle Foy’s book/CD set “Imagine Big” and using the Dreams and Goal journal that came with it to start writing down the desires we have had in our hearts. A good friend gave me this Book/CD kit and it has lit a fire under me like I’ve never had before. These are things I knew but wasn’t applying and this kit is exactly what I needed to jump-start our goals.

 

It also encouraged me to start a private Pinterest board of our dreams. One of the pins I have on there is a picture of the house that my husband and I both desire. It’s a beautiful house. It makes me smile every time I look at the picture. There is ministry purpose behind this home as well which is for another blog post sometime in the future. When I prayed this morning and those words came out of my mouth, that house was in my mind. I already know it’s ours. We have no idea where it’s at. There are pine trees in the picture, which makes me happy. It’s on a lake, which makes me smile. It’s going to be an amazing sanctuary for us one day.

 

We’ve been asking God a lot of questions lately about our future. We haven’t been getting much back as far as answers go but we have been instructed by the Holy Spirit to do what we know to do and just keep giving thanks. Each day we get up and do what we know to do. This morning, I waved at God for a minute. He confirmed with my own words that He’s preparing that house for us.

 

What are you believing God for? Healing? Ministry help? Finances? Whatever it is, write it down. Find scripture to back it up. Thank God for it and walk in it like you already have it. He is the Provider. Our Pastor’s wife said the other day at mid-week service, “They didn’t shout after the walls of Jericho fell, they shouted before!”

 

Shout your walls down!

 

Joshua 6:16 (KJV)

And it came to pass at the seventh time, when the priests blew with the trumpets, Joshua said unto the people, Shout; for the Lord hath given you the city.

 

Joshua 6:20 (KJV)

So the people shouted when the priests blew with the trumpets: and it came to pass, when the people heard the sound of the trumpet, and the people shouted with a great shout, that the wall fell down flat, so that the people went up into the city, every man straight before him, and they took the city.