Focus. FOCUS. focus.

Focus is one of those words that if you say it over and over again, it begins to sound very strange.

According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, FOCUS means:

1. a :  a point at which rays (as of light, heat, or sound) converge or from which they diverge or appear to diverge; specifically :  the point where the geometrical lines or their prolongations conforming to the rays diverging from or converging toward another point intersect and give rise to an image after reflection by a mirror or refraction by a lens or optical system

   b :  a point of convergence (see convergence 1) of a beam of particles (such as electrons)

2. a :  focal length

   b :  adjustment for distinct vision; also :  the area that may be seen distinctly or resolved into a clear image

   c :  a state or condition permitting clear perception or understanding • tried to bring the issues into focus

   d :  direction 6c •  the team lost focus

3. one of the fixed points that with the corresponding directrix defines a conic section

4. a localized area of disease or the chief site of a generalized disease or infection

5. a :  a center of activity, attraction, or attention •  the focus of the meeting was drug abuse  •  put immigration into focus as a hot topic for commentators

   b :  a point of concentration

6. the place of origin of an earthquake or moonquake

7. directed attention :  emphasis   • The focus is on helping the homeless.

I personally like number 6…moonquake. So much fun I can have with my last name. I feel like I’ve been in a moonquake…being shaken and thrown all over the place, in and out of focus. All those rays of light mentioned in the first definition are hitting in the same place all at once burning a hole into the ground. This isn’t to say where I’ve been is a “bad place.” Where I have been is bringing me into perfect focus.

I haven’t been blogging much because my focus has been elsewhere. Blogging is not my first agenda. It’s part of my agenda but not the main focus, at least not for now. I think, at least for the next month or so, I’ll be posting once a week while I finish up some other projects. We’ll see.

I don’t even want to post this blog because I know there are those who immediately want to give their advice. I know they mean well, however, I’m not needing outside advice. I know the state of affairs I am in. I know the entire story which my husband and I have not been able to share openly yet. People have good intentions though and want to look at every thing through rose colored glasses and tell you what to do when your circumstances look bleak. If they don’t know the entire story, they can’t give you Godly advice!

That would be like me telling a brain surgeon how to rewire a person’s cognitive thinking. Can that even be done? See! I know nothing about it other than there is a brain, there are different areas of the brain and there are those that operate on the brain. I’m not qualified to give advice in those matters. I don’t know the entire story.

What is frustrating is God has not released me to share the entire story but I know why as well. Because if I could, I would. If I did, I would be seeking answers elsewhere and not from Him. I also know, when all of this is done and said, what a great testimony we are going to have from it and the glory and honor we will be able to give to God because of it.

I don’t need answers from anyone else other than God/Jesus/Holy Spirit right now. He WANTS me to seek Him in all things and seek Him FIRST. On top of that, we have Pastors who know the entire story and have spoken into our lives through the Holy Spirit. They are our covering and we reverence them and the words they speak into our lives. A good Pastor is your shepherd and there is a reason for it. Too many times I see people seeking answers from EVERYWHERE and jumping from one thing to the next because they follow whatever, whoever and don’t understand the orderly way God has called things to be done.

There have been questions the Holy Spirit has led me to ask openly and told me to pay attention to the way people answer. Notice I said the way they answer, not what their answer is.

I have learned a very important lesson in this. People avoid the question and put their own understanding on it. They will read more into the question than what it is. They will become so spiritual that they miss the point.

Here’s a very simple example. Pretend you are shopping with a friend for a new dress. Men, if you are reading this, pretend you are shopping for a dress shirt and apply the same circumstance. I have a feeling the men will understand this better than the women.

Q: What color dress looks better on me? Red or Blue?

A: Well, how does the red dress make you feel? What about the blue?  The red speaks spark! It’s fierce! The blue is moody. Do you want to be moody?

The question was what color looks better not how they made me feel.

It is a very simple question. It is not complicated. It is not about feelings.

The Bible is our two-edged sword. If we stick to the Word, we prevent ourselves from becoming overly spiritual and getting off in a ditch with our thinking and with our advice.

I had someone ask me a question, this was a year or two ago. The question was along the lines of what I do when I’m struggling with a situation. My answer: I seek God in prayer and in reading the Word. It has the answer for any and all situations.

They didn’t like that answer. They thought it was a cop-out. This wasn’t the first they had come to me with their troubles and asking for advice. Each time they asked, my answer was the same. Get in the Word. They eventually stopped coming to me for answers because they were not looking for God.

They were looking for everything else but God.

Back to the definition of focus…2b hits the nail on the head right now: adjustment for distinct vision; also :  the area that may be seen distinctly or resolved into a clear image.

When you are adjusting the lens of a camera, you twist it back and forth slowly and can watch the image go in and out of focus until you hit the exact spot where the lens creates the clearest image.

Better yet, think about the last eye exam you had and the part where they cover one eye and flip different lenses on the mechanism they have shoved onto your face. Then they do the other eye. Then they do them both together. It takes some time. It takes some flipping around, back and forth, seeing which combination works best so you have the absolute, most clear view of things before you.

I thank God for this time, this transition, this focusing, this point in time where all the rays of light from my upbringing, training, education, experiences are coming together to create that point of vision God has placed in my heart. Not only for me but for my husband. For both of us, together. He’s one eye, I’m the other. God is about to put both lenses in front of us and the focus will be so clear that we laugh and smile and thank Him for being able to see so far in front of us!

Definition 2c says “a state or condition permitting clear perception or understanding • tried to bring the issues into focus”

Oh, how good God is! I don’t know what you have going on in your life. I don’t know what struggles you face. I don’t know what despair you have. I don’t know what mountains are before you. I do know this – get in the Word. Pray and seek Him. I promise there will be answers. I promise the joy will come. The rejoicing will happen. His glory and mercy will overcome. 

I also know how hard it is at times. I know the enemy (devil, satan, evilness, etc) will attack and try to drag you down. FIGHT! Fight back! Use the Word against those thoughts, doubts and fears. Put on the armor of God. Don’t give in! Ask God for help! Keep seeking Him! Please don’t give up. Tell yourself right now there is only one option in your situation, whatever situation that may be, and the option is VICTORY.

Matthew 6:33 (KJV)

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

It’s been a busy week/weekend. My husband and I are in a very strange season of life right now. At least, it seems strange because we’ve never been in one like this before.

I don’t even know how to explain it with words which makes it even more difficult to maneuver because, well, I call myself a writer. A writer that can’t describe a situation. That should tell you how strange this season is.

The best I can do is to describe it as a surprise party that you know is coming but you have no idea what that surprise party will consist of or who is going to show up. Cupcakes or sheet cake? Games or music? Maybe both. Punch and water or cans of pop? Who knows! All you know is that a party is coming and if you have slight anxiety issues like I do, knowing it’s coming is making it worse.

I would rather be completely surprised than to know I have a surprise coming. I want something to fly at me out of left field and smack me right in the mouth. I can deal with that. I can react to that. I can live in the moment.

If that surprise is so large however, that I can see it coming from a mile away…I scramble. Picture a giant softball, like the size of the moon, flying in my direction. Really picture this now, you are going to laugh.

It’s flying at me and I’m standing in the middle of a field and I can watch the shadow of this thing inch its way towards me, blocking out the sun, the stars and the clouds. That’s the enormity of this surprise.

What am I doing? Running all over the field, hands flailing, zig-zagging across the grass like the largest alligator you’ve ever seen is after me.

Go ahead, laugh. I am. That mental picture is hilarious. Just to help, I made a sketch. Don’t question the mountains. Or the trees. Or my stick figure abilities.

This is how I react to something that I have just a hint of or an idea of.

I would rather be facing the other way, playing in the sand and turn around just as the giant softball hits me in the face. I don’t like the wait.

This season though, I haven’t been running. I’ve been walking this out in a way I never have before. I’ve been steadfast. My flesh wants to run but my spirit says, “Wait, be patient.”

Those words have been with me since November of last year. Scripture has been put in front of me to encourage my wait. Lines in movies have jumped off the screen and flew through the air, planting their dagger into my heart. I hear His voice whisper, “Wait.” I was at the bookstore and turned a 180 on my heel to have the book, When God Says Wait by Elizabeth Laing Thompson, staring me in the face. I bought it, no hesitation. I’ve been reading it. I was already in tears by page 12 because of how true her words are.

I’m growing weary. I’m struggling. That aggravates me even more because I am a strong person. I have endurance. I have follow through. I can fight a good fight. But this season is teaching me and showing me things I need and it is difficult. Plain and simple.

I believe this is why so many people become complacent in life. They can’t handle the wait. They give up. They make things happen. They take an alternate route. They decide what’s best for them and go with it because it gives a false sense of security. Imagine what could have been had they waited.

I’m waiting on God. It might not be easy, I might be struggling, I may be growing weary, but each day He gives me grace and mercy to continue on. In my weariness, I seek Him more. In my struggle, I search for His voice. In my uncertainty, I know His Word and I know my God…He is not uncertain.

Even while there is a season of “waiting” going on in our lives, the other areas of our lives have continued on. My husband was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease the first year we were married (almost 10 years ago) called sarcoidosis. When diagnosed he was at the end of stage three on the cusp of stage four. Not a good place to be. We had doctors appointments every three months the first couple of years then it dropped to every six months and eventually annual appointments as his health improved. The doctor we see was originally at Vanderbilt in Nashville and now in Franklin. Either way a 2.5 hour drive for us there and a 2.5 hour drive home.

He is in remission and has been the past three years. The most current visit, which took place this past Monday, he had a pulmonary lung function test and it was so good the doctor said, “He’s still in remission. With those results, better than remission.”

I don’t know about you but “better than remission” sounds a lot like “healed” to me.

We prayed in the very beginning that he be healed and from that point forward never asked God for his healing again. We thanked Him for it and considered it done. Imagine that, it worked.

Even in that however, we waited. The long drives, the waiting rooms, the tests, the drives home, all the while anticipating the word “remission” to come out of his doctor’s mouth.

So, I may be struggling and growing weary in some moments right now but I look back over the last ten years and remember the moments we grew weary in his healing. The moments we struggled and grasped at our belief in what we prayed. The times when I was alone and all I could do was let the tears fall and ask God, “You gave me a good husband. You wouldn’t give me a good husband to take him away, would you?”

Desperation overtook me in those moments but then the Holy Spirit, my Comforter, would overtake me right after.

We persevered. We overcame. We claimed our victory.

In this, we are persevering. We have overcome. We are claiming our victory.

I know on the other side of this, once that softball hits and causes the giant crater, there will be such a testimony from it. I hang on to that promise because testifying of who He is and how good He is, is one of my favorite things.

Play ball!

Do you have a Goliath? Most of us are familiar with the story of David and Goliath from 1 Samuel, chapter 17. A brief synopsis – there is a giant bully and a ruddy little teenager knocks him out, dead.

What is your giant? What is that thing that seems impossible to knock down? That thing that keeps getting in your way, taunting you?

I’ve been thinking about this very thing yesterday and all this morning because right now I have a Goliath. I’m hanging out in the field feeding the sheep and I have a Goliath to knock down.

Timing is everything. 

The two armies were camped out on separate mountains with a valley between them. Twice a day for forty days, Goliath would come down to the valley and challenge the opposing army (Saul’s army) to a duel. The Word doesn’t say “duel” but I like the way that sounds.

At one point, David busts up in the middle of Saul’s army to check on his brothers so he can take word back to their dad, Jesse, on their well-being. While he’s there he overhears Goliath and his taunts and notices King Saul and all of his men are afraid of this giant.

David, again, a little ruddy adolescent, basically asks them all, “What the heck is wrong with all of you? Why are you afraid of this idiot who mocks the armies of the living God?”

David knew the situation. He knew His God. He didn’t question His God. He didn’t have to. He had already experienced the strength, might and wisdom of His God. He may have been a keeper of sheep prior, but in that task, God had delivered him from a bear and a lion and David gave God credit for it. He knew it wasn’t in his own power, but in God’s. 

He stood on the promise of his own testimony. He had already seen God’s hand move when he killed the bear and the lion. He knew who Goliath was, an uncircumcised Philistine who defied the armies of God. How could he lose? He couldn’t!

No where in the story does it tell of David running to his prayer room and throwing himself at the feet of God and asking what he should do or what his next step should be or crying out, “Please, God, please! Speak to me! Give me direction and wisdom!”

He immediately steps up when he hears the threats of the giant because he knows who he is in the eyes of God. 

He knows from past experience what God is capable of and he does not doubt, he doesn’t even flinch.

The giant laughs at him. His own brothers, angered with him. King Saul, doubted him.

But God.

For forty days a king and an entire army hid from this giant but it took only a moment for David to step up and say, I’ll take him down because God has my back.

Timing is everything. The fear had been built up. The anticipation was at a peak. The confidence of the threatening army was more than abundant. The giant stood tall…

…then David stepped into the valley…

Are you hiding on a mountain or are you going to step down into the valley? Exposed. Vulnerable. Laughed at. Mocked. Doubted. But with God at your back?

How can you lose when God has your back? You can’t.

I have a giant. I’ve realized the last couple of weeks, I always have a giant. I always have a battle to win. When one is knocked down, the next steps up. God is always there and the battle is always won.

I’ve battled self-doubt. I’ve battled mockery from others. I’ve battled doubt from others. I’ve battled not having the resources to accomplish the task at hand. I’ve battled loneliness. I’ve battled depression. I’ve battled illness. I’ve battled abuse. I’ve battled self-harm. I’ve battled suicide. I’ve battled the giant over and over again. Each time I’ve won because God had my back.

Each battle is a story. Each battle is a testimony. Each battle is something I can use to encourage others.

The one giant that just won’t die, are the questions I get about being a woman, a female, and justifying the preaching of the Word. So many of those idiot giants are still roaming the Earth. So many women hide on the mountain because the idiot giant stands in the valley, the uncircumcised giant who defies the living God, and questions their ability.

STEP OUT INTO THE VALLEY. YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH GOD. HE HAS CALLED YOU FOR A PURPOSE. HE HAS YOUR BACK. HE NEEDS YOUR VOICE.

There are those who will question you because they only like to argue. Give them not a moment of your time. Jesus didn’t argue with people. He preached and He walked and those that wanted to listen followed. He didn’t stop to argue or convince.

If you struggle with the question of being a woman and preaching the Word, I encourage you to read a book by Kenneth E. Hagin called The Woman Question. It was a book my pastor instructed me to read a few years back when I had some doubts creep up. It is my answer to all those who question my ability. If you, being one who thinks the Word says woman can’t preach, truly want understanding, read the book. If not, then you are the uncircumcised Philistine who defies the living God and we all know the outcome of that story.

Get blessed.

God is not a bus station. What do I mean by that?

The past week and a half I have been hustling to clear out our spare room and get my home office set up. It’s 97% done. There was already a desk in there and all the supplies I needed but so were boxes that contained over 20 years worth of papers. Yes, I know.

If you have followed along in my blog, you will remember back in January I came across another blogger who had an article about cleaning out your entire house in 40 days by dividing your house into 40 areas and striving to take a bag a day out of the house (recycle/donate/trash).

I combined this with the KonMari method where you pick up each object up, every single one, and ask yourself if it brings you joy. If it doesn’t bring you joy or drudges up painful memories, you get rid of it. You would be amazed at how many things you hang on to that do not have pleasant memories.

I went the extra mile and incorporated the idea of minimalism. Not an extreme form of it where our house now looks like a museum but to the point where were we now only have 4 dinner plates. There are two of us. Why do we need 8 plates? The benefit of this, less dirty dishes on a regular basis.

Do you know I had THREE ironing boards? I don’t even iron! The dryer doubles as my “ironing machine.” My husband irons so I was nice and kept the full size ironing board.

So, I have made my way all through the house including the garage. The last on the list was the spare room which I had divided out into 4 days. All of this should have been done by the end of February. Well…

The spare room was daunting. Once I started on it, I realized there were boxes that had moved with me since I was in elementary school. I’ve moved around a lot.

Things were just put in boxes and left there and by the time I would get around to having time to go through them, I would move again. It was amazing what I came across but also amazing at how much longer it took than originally planned.

Two reasons:

• There was more than I thought there was to go through
• Some memories were painful and healing took place that I didn’t know I needed

God is the one who had put it in my heart to get the house cleaned out. God is the one who knew what I needed healing for and how I was going to get it.

April 14th was my last day at my last place of employment. The company is closing down as the owner takes early retirement. I have had the opportunity since then to finish up the spare room and today, it is 97% finished. I have one last box of papers to go through and then some organizing to finish up.

The home office, it’s ready and as of last Friday evening, I have been working in it on my personal writing projects. It brings a smile to my face every time I sit down there in that crooked, no fluff, office chair. I have my cork board up on the wall and yesterday I was able to hang my dry erase board. I still need a few purple pieces of artwork and it will be complete.

What does all of this have to do with God not being a bus stop?

I have been praying and believing for the opportunity to work from home. Ideally, I want to write full time. I don’t know how to make our bills understand this however.

The last time I was laid off I had secured another position in less than 24 hours. I give God all the glory for that.

This time, each opportunity I look at, I hear God say, “Wait.”

What? Why? God, I am able to work and we need income. What am I waiting on? I know our steps are ordered. I know God has a plan. I know we just have to walk in it. There is a reason I had to get the entire house cleaned out of old things. There is a reason He told me to get the home office set up. There is a reason for everything He has put in my heart to do.

Some of those things I have slacked on. I didn’t complete the task at the appointed time. Even so, He is faithful. When the task at hand is complete, He reveals the next.

His plan isn’t like a bus stop where buses come and go all day long. If you miss one, you can catch another. There aren’t multiple destinations either.

I’ve had to complete each step of this process in full before the next is revealed. I’ve had to walk it out in faith without knowing exactly where He is leading me. He reminded me of Abraham and Isaac and I continue to meditate on that story.

All I can think is Abraham had to have the knife raised before God revealed His plan.

I know God to be faithful. I know God to be our provider. I know God to never leave us, never forsake us. I know in all of this, there will be a greater testimony than I can even imagine right now.

I don’t want to use the word struggle, but each day I have to fight the thoughts of the enemy whispered in my ear that we are going to be living in lack, I won’t find a job, I won’t have an income or if I do it won’t be enough, that there is no plan and I’m wasting time…

You get the point.

Those thoughts come at me each day and I have to stand on the Word. I have to speak, out loud, His promises. I have to remind myself daily of the God I serve. I have to keep my eyes on the dreams and goals I have. I have to continue to thank God for the provision He brings each and every day and the plan He has before us even though we don’t know specifically what it is.

I have to trust that even if comes down to the very last moment, knife raised, God has a plan.

Sometimes, the hardest lesson to learn, is waiting on God. But oh! The testimony of those who know how to wait on the Lord.

Matthew 6:26

Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

Psalm 27:14

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

The third workbook in the series is now available through Amazon and you can order it here.

This one is on Ephesians and titled Growing in Christ.

These workbooks are designed to allow the user to spend 5 to 15 minutes a day in the Word and get their mind meditating on the Word.

These came about when I decided to get serious about my writing and praying for direction and clarity one day. I was in the middle of researching traditional publishing vs. self-publishing. At the time, I was only working on the creative non-fiction book that is in the editing stages right now.

During my research, two thoughts collided:

1. I wish I knew the self-publishing process and how hard/easy it would be to do it myself.
2. I wish there was a Bible study that was a simple Bible study. Something that gave me a few verses at a time and got me through an entire book of the Bible in a           decent amount of time.

As a writer, these two thoughts go together. My mind is all over the place when I am researching and I happened to have my Bible staring at me on the table this particular day knowing I had not set aside any time to read in it.

I froze.

What? Lord, was that you who just said that to me? Are you telling me to write a workbook and publish it?

YES.

Lord, am I qualified?

To which He answered with, “Misty, Am I qualified?”

I got His point.

I didn’t question it any further. I dropped everything I was working on and started on it immediately. I didn’t really sleep for the next three or four days and when it was done, I was amazed at what God had designed through my hands.

The upcoming weekend, I didn’t really sleep again because I spent three or four days straight going through the self-publishing process on CreateSpace, setting up my accounts and learning all I could. Then, it was there. My name on Amazon. God choreographed it all the way through. I know this because the process was so simple and flowed. I will admit, it was a little intimidating at first. My lifelong dream became real and it happened so quickly I didn’t have time to think about it.

I ordered my proof copy and there it was in my hands, my first book. Then, people started buying the workbooks! People I didn’t know bought them! I only know this because someone in Europe purchased a copy. I only see stats, I don’t see who specifically purchases them.

It made the creative non-fiction piece seem not so daunting anymore, at least in regards to the publishing process.

I am still on the fence about self-publish or traditional with that one, but the time is coming to make a decision.

I asked God about the workbooks. He instructed me there would be a series of them. More than one. So far there are three. I asked that He not give me the next topic until I complete the current one and He has been faithful to do so. This keeps me focused.

The next one will be on 1 Corinthians. I can only deduce the one after that will be 2 Corinthians but I’ll be sure to check with Him first.

What I love most about these workbooks, they are designed so anyone can sit down and do a Bible study with them and learn. They can be for the un-born-again person who is curious and wants to learn about the Word, the newborn Christian who is just starting out and doesn’t know how to study the Bible to the most seasoned Christian who wants to revisit the Word in certain areas.

God’s good and knows what He is doing. He was right, He was qualified.

The workbooks are strictly that, a workbook. The verses are not printed out. You have to get your Bible out and read in it. There is a purpose behind this. I asked God if I should include the scripture word for word and he said NO.

You have to make the effort to get your Bible and turn to the pages and read it with your own eyes. Think of it like this, you are sitting with a friend and they are on their phone texting the entire time. Not much of a connection between you and your friend. If that friend puts the phone down and makes eye contact and engages in the conversation with you, it’s more meaningful. This is why you have to get your own Bible out.

To give you an idea of how the workbooks are designed, here is a sample page. You have room to write and take notes which was another important factor in what I was looking for in a Bible study workbook.

Each day only covers two to four verses and the entire study is a six-week study. There is one day of rest for each week. Each day has a Further Study section for those over achievers like me. Each book is designed the same.

The Ephesians workbook has a couple extra pages with some great info and teachings that I have received over the last 4 years. You’ll have to buy it to see what that is though, haha.

Get blessed!